#59 The Lockdown Uniform
anatomy of a sandal
I talk a lot about clothes. I have an overstuffed wardrobe despite concerted efforts to curb the consumerism.
And yet, I have pretty much worn the exact same thing for months as we have sat indoors and just coped with this version of life.
Let’s go through my coping outfit in this handy labelled image which is the absolute height of aspirational quarantine glamour.
Rona Lisa Smile
Like The Mona Lisa (TML), I too, have an enigmatic smile that contains the enigmas of the universe. Am I content? Am I about to have a breakdown? What is normal? The smile doesn’t really give any conclusions to this. Tyra would not let me go through to next week for this picture but the smile is implacable because I don’t know if you have noticed it has been a bit of a year.
3 tone hair 6 inches longer than normal
My hair hasn’t been this long for years, it goes so far down my back that when I catch my reflection in windows I am very slightly shocked. This is no achievement I have just had like 2 haircuts in 15 months and my hair has grown like a weed.
Coupled with this is the thrilling sporting of 3 colours. It sprouts from my head a dark flat brown which is my natural hair. I (brace yourself for a boast here) have yet to find to my first grey hair but this is not really a source of showing off so much as every day is one day closer to finding my first grey hair. The middle section is a reddish tinged of washed out colours that have clung on with various strains of tenacity gliding with unbearable chicness are bleached ends with an artfully distressed vibes.
A crucial element of the not-very-sweet lid of mine is an ability to dry all by itself in about 20 minutes and just hang there and can be best described as inoffensive.
Sad grey jumper
I love knitwear, I love jumpers, cardigans, twin sets - you know all of the woolen tops. I love cashmere, I have several woolen tops by Bella Freud, Sezane, Rixo etc that me and dry cleaner are in a wire coat hanger exchange program with. The one I wear the most is this overly stretchy guy that cost £7 from the New Look sale rail when I was cold last March. It has kicky little puff sleeves and no matter how much stretching it awkwardly over my thumbs (see left peace hand for evidence of this) it just stoically gets on with it. It is entirely unremarkable and forgettable and I reach for it again and again and we could all learn from the sad grey jumper.
Peace Sign
I was a child in the 90s which could be a factor but really I am just looking for some explicable reason for this weird little affectation I have picked up. The vibe is peaceable at least.
£17.99 H&M jeans
There are silk palazzos, cropped culottes, about 24 pairs of jeans that could also be worn but nope - just some cheap little jeans I picked up a year ago that I pull on 4 out of 7 days. They are forgiving enough to sit in for a thousand hours and just enough cropped that I can wear pretty much any footwear.
They are worthy of a notable mention for when a gust of wind tipped an entire cup of tea on to my lap while sitting in Camden market and made me look like a very unfortunate piss-based accident had occurred. But after a hot wash the stain came out no bother.
If my wardrobe could talk there are a range of Ganni dresses being bitchy and resentful at these jeans for its many spins out while they hang there and feel sorry for themselves and their more or less perpetual confinement.
green falke socks (gifted)
These are excellent socks that I was given for Christmas. They are soft and fit well. I would recommend and these have pipped Uniqlo for best socks. Yeah, I like socks now and have done for about 2 years, get with the times.
grey felt Birkenstock clogs
These have the vibes of having crammed my feet in to Kleenex boxes or maybe decaying cornish pasties. 15 months ago I would have referred to these as “bin shoes” as in the shoes you smush on when dealing with bin-related activities. Now, I consider these “my excellent shoes” and my male colleague and I have sent each other several picture of our “socks and stocks” pairings. Will this continue when we can wear real shoes outside as the world opens up? I would say highly unlikely but I can never quite guess the future these days.
surplus lbs
I do not feel I can be held accountable for this and every one should be really nice about it please. I will deal with it ok?
£22 gold hoops from &otherstories
These earrings are on 00.3p per wear, again there are a number of furious earrings that never get their laptop screen debut. I am considering a podcast with Patricia Field on the outfits that never were based on me being wedded to these hoops. it would be a hit and I would have some questions about season 4 Carrie outfits that everyone would appreciate.
glossier balm dotcom in rose
Obsessively applied every 13-22 minutes regardless of the tone of the meeting.
perfume oil
I want to wear fragrance everyday but don’t want to be wasting the expensive edp on me and the obnoxiously unbothered laptop screen. I sometimes flirt with a £22 fragrance from a popstar with a career on the wane and then always bitterly regret it and remember I could just spritz hairspray for the same effect.
The answer is inexpensive perfume oil, the dopamine hit of beautiful scent and no waste.
I am looking forward to real clothes very soon…
C x